my first love
I don’t know exactly what I’m about to write. There’s this feeling inside me, heavy and hard to pin down, something I can’t quite express. It’s been with me since childhood, a quiet ache I don’t fully understand. Growing up, I didn’t have the words for it, and even now, I’m not sure what to call it. All I know is that I messed up somewhere along the way—big time.My early years were a blur of isolation. I had no female friends during school, not a single one. I couldn’t string together a coherent sentence in front of girls, stumbling over words like they were landmines. My school didn’t help. It was a strict, rule-bound place—think prison vibes, minus the bars. Talking to anyone, let alone girls, was out of the question. And being in a hostel? That sealed the deal. No friends in my hometown, no casual chats, no chance to learn how to connect with people. Zero female interaction. It’s not like I was unhappy, exactly—it was just… quiet. A good life, in a way, but so closed off...